


About Time

by Miranda13



Category: Post The Rise of Skywalker - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Comedy, F/M, Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Spoilers, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21870814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miranda13/pseuds/Miranda13
Summary: What if Ben Solo had disappeared before Rey's eyes in TRoS because he needed a few sex lessons with grandpa Vader before he could take things further with bae Rey?Back to Ahch-To, drunk and alone, Rey must find a way to get her virgin back, no matter the cost.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 23
Kudos: 52
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	About Time

**Author's Note:**

> If you have the sense of humor of a 13 year-old boy, and you're extremely disturbed by our Ben boi's disappearance, this is your fic. 
> 
> PLEASE NOTE THAT I LOVE REY, I LOVE KYLO BEN AND I LOVE REYLO! No joke should be construed otherwise. They're just jokes. That's my coping mechanism. We need to laugh right now.
> 
> Your kudos and comments are drops of joy - thank you very much for that ❤
> 
> Unbeta'd

"Hey! Obi Wan! Anakin! Master Yoda! Mace Windu!"

Rey had been drunk and shouting Jedi Masters' names for a few hours. After she had repeated a long list of each and every name she could remember, she'd start over, louder and sadder.

The Masters of yesterday would no longer come to her, it seemed.

Once she started to randomly scream at porgs though - that's when Luke had enough.

"Hey, daughter!"

"What? Master Skywalker?"

"Niece? No, I reckon you wouldn't want to be my niece - I'm just trying to be accepting about the Skywalker surname thing".

"Thanks. It means a lot to me, Master".

"I'm truly honored, Rey. Too bad I didn't have the opportunity to attach myself to anybody, to be a father - maybe, your father! Oh, wait, that would be weird, considering how many times I thought about attaching myself to your body in this lost island..."

"AAAAaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"

"Rey, stop screaming at the poor porgs!!!"

"The Jedi Masters won't help me! Wait, you're a Jedi Master - where's Ben? I need Ben..."

Rey started to cry and she looked like she could vomit at any second now.

"Rey, listen, we don't have enough time. I have a very important piece of information I need to share with you".

"Bring me Ben! Ben! Ben! Ben!"

Rey threw herself on the ground, never shutting up.

"Oh, Force. Rey, Ben is alive!"

"Ben! Ben! Ben! Wait... Ben?"

"Yes, Ben is alive! But he is in the world between".

"Why? Because he's spent all his life Force recovering my health? He could have saved some energy on these underarm hairs, I never needed them much. The bush alone must have cost him five years".

"No, Rey! Because he needed to speak to his grandfather! I mean - your grandfather, if you are my daughter - actually, it doesn't matter: Rey, Anakin is the only man Ben knows who isn't a virgin".

"What about his father?"

"People seem to forget that, but only the practicians of the Light side of the Force become Force ghosts! Any other visions are caused by lack of proper medication".

"Good to know"

"So, Ben has officially kissed you - or anyone - for the first time, and he needs to know what to do with you on your wedding night"

"And Anakin is telling him all about how he shagged... Ben's granny?"

"Beggars can't be choosers, Rey"

"Fair enough"

Rey threw up.

"We don't have more time. Listen to me, Rey Skywalker: if you want to fuck your cousin, you need to..."

Luke faded away before he could provide an answer.

"Bloody hell!! Force Time is bullocks, these days! All right! I'll sober up and I'm going to find my virgin!"

***

After a few hours, Rey woke up on the floor, cheek lying on vomit, with a major headache and a sore throat.

Nevertheless, as her love was true, she did remember the most vital piece of information she got: Ben Solo was a virgin.

As such, his spirit would, in all likelihood, awaken in face of a few taylormade provocations.

The first thing she did was, to get naked.

Rey spent a day naked, in her hut.

Then, for a few days, she paraded nude around the island, to the locals' utter disgust.

Rey Force shaved.

As none of it worked, she decided to broadcast her naked body via holo transmission.

The communications panel of her ship shut down completely, for no apparent reason.

Rey decided to Force broadcast her nude body to (hopefully overage) Force sensitive people around the galaxy.

She mysteriously fell into the ocean.

Rey never learned how to swim.

As she sunk in the cold water, she wasn't even sad, really. Not for dying, anyway. She was less sad, actually. Perhaps, she was a bit closer to Ben. A lifetime without Ben was something that did not interest her, anyway.

A warm body pulled her up.

A solid, magnificent, masculine body - no blue glow to speak of.

The body she thirsted over from the day he carried her unconscious, like a bride. From the day he took his mask off. And his shirt. Then, his glove. Force, this man took his time to disrobe.

There was no more time to waste, Luke had said. And he was right.

Anakin sent his grandson back to life, wearing the same garment he wore when mama Leia brought him into this world: nothing but a huge bulge that rendered natural labor impossible.

And Ben was definitely happy to see her.

She had been abusing alcohol and wild animals, sure, but grandpa Vader explained that all Ben needed was right there, in his arms: a naked woman prone to bad judgement.

And he loved her.

Oh, he loved her.

He. Loved. Her.

***

First, he learned there was a girl. "What girl?", he had asked his idiot lackey.

Then, he felt her soft body against his, as he carried his unconscious wife. "Easy, Kylo, be patient!", he chastised himself.

He proceeded to get to know her like no other man ever could - by reading her mind against her will while she was lovingly strapped to a BDSM table - and saw the island. This island. He saw she was lonely. Good. No stupid boyfriend to kill. To be honest, he'd have enjoyed the killing part. Problem was, another man would have touched her. No butchery would undo that. But his beautiful bride had been waiting for him. As he had been waiting for her.

She showcased her Empress potential in that snowy night, right after he committed patricide.

She. Grabbed. His. Lightsaber.

Then, she cut his face in half, which was such a romantic thing to do. That minx made sure all others knew he was spoken for. He wore that scar like a medal. Like a badge of honor.

By the time the Force Time calls started, he was sure that pouring some body oil over his naked chest would be enough to bring Rey over to the Dark side.

It was sort of embarrassing, meeting with the generals super oily and all that, but he didn't know how to control the connection, what could he do?

It was worth it - oh, it was!

He could feel it through the Force, the moment Rey released an egg at the very sight of his shirtless presence. Yes, his beautiful Rey ovulated for him.

They would be so happy together, with the twins - you know, when the time came. No pressure.

They held hands in the smut hut. His hand, in the flesh. No glove. No protection. Literally magical fingers.

And if there was any truth in what people said about a man's hand being proportionate to his... well. 

Rey scavenged some make up and space coffined herself to him.

Stupid Snoke asked him to choose between a wrinkly golden-robed alien and the future mother of his kids. Ben obviously killed the old pervert and went on a killing spree alongside his beloved.

Surrounded by bloody bodies, the perfect stage was set for a proposal.

REY REFUSED. That was the worst moment of his life. 

He tried to blow her up, out of the sky. He was upset.

They Force Timed and fought and time went by.

Rey. Used. Fucking. Force. Lightening.

"Marry me this instant", he almost said. "Get a grip, man, you're the Supreme Leader, most powerful space wizard in the galaxy. Just another old creep to kill, and you're all set", he thought.

His mom decided to Force call him in the most inconvenient time, and she had nothing at all to say - what a mom! Problem was, he was in the middle of a fight with Rey and the little rascal took the opportunity of Ben's distraction to kill him.

If that wasn't wife material, he didn't know what was.

Rey realized necrophilia wasn't her thing, and she would have to put up with his bullshit once in a while if she was to shag that imbecile one day.

Rey healed Ben.

Ben ate some rotten mushrooms, hallucinated about his dad and decided it was time to adopt the name Rey wanted to call him by, on a permanent basis. That, and he should stop randomly killing entire villages or planets. The last demand was implied.

They fought together. They lost. Rey won. Rey died. Ben saved her.

He loved her. Oh, he did. He did!

The joy, the happiness, the fulfillment, the purpose, the clarity - how many things he discovered in so little time.

So little time.

They kissed. Rather, she kissed him. She kissed him!

She loved him.

"She loves me", he thought. "And I'm a fucking virgin".

***

What brings us back to this timeline. Fear is the path to the Dark side, and the fear of losing Rey because he had no idea how to make her orgasm made Ben disappear instantly.

"No, Ben, you can't induce an orgasm using the Force - there's risk of brain damage, trust me on this. Have you ever wondered why granny went after me in Mustafar when my heavy eye make up clearly indicated I had become the worst villain of all time?", Anakin pondered during their sex classes.

"Yes, Ben, it will be weird to ask Rey to use your mother's iconic bikini - Leia's altercation with the Hutts is a widely known story, and replicas of her bikini became a Halloween costume because of it. There's no way around this one, grandson", Anakin patiently explained. He wanted to be a great-grandaddy, after all.

Eventually, Anakin hoped Rey's endless lonely hours in the desert gave room to plenty of educational masturbation sessions. Also, he had to recognize, his grandson was indeed shredded. Odds were in their favor.

It was time to send Ben back. Especially because Rey was about to drown.

***

"Ben! You're here! You're alive!"

Rey pressed her body against his, her body making sure her eyes did not deceive her.

"Yes, I am, sweetheart"

"And... you're naked!"

"Don't worry. I feel it, too"

"None of that, I shaved!"

"That's not what I meant"

"Can I feel your abs?"

"You could do laundry here, if you wanted to. But you'll never have to, because I have lots of credits especially stashed away for the day I'd fake my death to marry you".

"You haven't answered my question, Ben"

"And you gave the wrong answer to my question in that throne room"

"The wrong person asked the question"

"Tell me this, Rey. Will you be my wife in this forsaken island, give me space wizard kids and never, ever be apart from me, another day from this day on, as long as we both shall live, and even after we become Force ghosts?"

"I'll settle for the lifetime commitment. I'll have to find out if Force ghosts get to keep their nice abs, in order to commit my ghost self"

"Fair enough"

"I love you, Ben"

"I know"

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat about Reylo or chocolate - I love chocolate! - come say hi: [@miranda13ao3](https://miranda13ao3.tumblr.com/)


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